Tuesday, October 5, 2010

If I could only catch a glimpse

I often think how helpful it would be if I could view the world from my son's perspective.  If I had a few hours or a day even, I would finally understand how certain sounds feel to his ears, how he interprets language and find out what type of thinker he is.  Why do I bother to think about something that isn't even possible?  During a recent conversation I had with my sister I mentioned to her how much the average person takes things for granted.  Take a typical day, from the time you wake up until the time you go to sleep and stop and think how you would function if you perceived the world differently.  Imagine if all of the sights and sounds and sensations were scrambled.  Even if there was only a slight jumbling involved, the results would alter everything about you and how you handled yourself.  I told my sister that once he is able to tell us, we will finally know how our son views his surroundings.  Please let the words start flowing.

Before he was able to use any words, our days were filled with a lot of guessing and we weren't right all the time.  He was frustrated and it was (is) hard to see him upset.  Most of my responses when I'm asked why he reacts a certain way start with "I think..." , "I'm not sure but most likely..." or "Probably because..."  Do you see a pattern there?  A lot of guessing is involved.

After I try to put myself in his shoes for a moment I stop and think if I really do want to see the world as he does for any amount of time.  Would I be afraid of what I saw or felt?  Could I ever look at the world the same again as I would constantly feel sorrow and pain for what my son experiences on a daily basis?  Would I ever be able to stop worrying about him?  Who am I kidding?  To some extent, all of that is already true.  

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